RIP, Brad Renfro
I haven’t written anything (other than scribbling down my random thoughts on my trusty laptop, trying to write stories) in a while. I’m lousy with updating my life, either because I’m naturally inclined to write for classes or such, rather than creatively and assertively putting my words on a webpage that I don’t even know if people bothered to read. Well, thanks Jane, I know you read it 
Anyway, this topic isn’t about my laziness/fear of posting/lack of enthusiasm- it is about Brad Renfro.
Some of you probably already knew, he died two days ago on January 15th, due to an overdose of something. But I bet many of you did not know how much I adored him while growing up. He is about a year older than me and I first saw him in The Client, as a troubled boy who Susan Sarandon valiantly defended and rescued from his dismal fate. I was about ten years old. He did not appeal much to me, being a kid and not too interested in boys yet. Later, I saw him in The Cure, about a boy who had AIDS and became friends with Brad Renfro’s character. Brad was definitely older and cuter. Sleepers, a heavy weigh movie cluttered with famous actors such as Brad Pitt, Kevin Bacon, Jason Patric (what the hell happened to him?!), and etc, came next. I remember that movie vividly because I was completely in love with my Brad while my sister was literally ape-shit crazy about her Brad (Pitt). We snuggled up on the sofa and enjoyed watching our Brads act the younger and older version in the movie. Later, Brad starred in Apt Pupil, one of my favorite movies to date and partly because of how cute he was. I thought I’ll keep on watching his upcoming movies and grow up as he does.
He was my first crush, the first boy I thought was totally cute (sorry for the “valley-girl speak” but this is the way I thought back then) and kept up with. My sister had her crushes, from Brad Pitt to Nicole Kidman and forcing me to soak in “Legends of the Fall” and “Far and Away” while she’ll yell “yes!” when Nicole stabbed Tom in the leg, and when Brad cried and held Julia Ormond, Melissa will groan because she knew what will happen in the end. Well, she had her turn, while Brad was all mine. My friends knew my star-crossed obsession, my fixation and hopeless dreams.
Admittedly, he became older, he seemed less “together” and got into a bad streak with drugs and crime, and that gave him less appeal. I turned to other hotter and up-coming actors, but I always kept tabs on Brad’s movies and his life. I watched his movie, Bully, and thought that was probably the chance he needed to get back into the mainstream and directors’ favor. But years came and went, Brad was still a struggling actor and getting into worse things- he did not have the star wattage to avoid trouble with police and such. Still, I had hoped for the best, because he is a good actor and he was my first crush.
About a week ago, before my internet shut off, I imdb’ed him (imdb.com if you didn’t understand that new verb) and was glad to know he did have projects coming up. It seemed like he could pick himself off the ground following his heroin bust. Oh, the bust. It happened the day before I turned 22. I was really sad to see how pitiful he looked that day, with the homeless-chic look and receding hairline, all pointed to a constant use of drugs. Heroin fucks you over and takes it all.
Now, he is dead. I googled him and now people are saying how pitiful, how tragic, how (insert a sympathetic invoking word here), that Brad died and he had this history of drug and crime problems. It was not for me. My old best friend from middle school, the girl who suffered through my obsession with Brad, was the first person to break the news to me. I was out with co-workers at a pub, downing beers and when I found out, I was in shock. I hate this type of conversation. It went like this:
MyFriend: Hey!
MyFriend: Brad Renfro is dead.
Me: WHAT THE FUCK?!
I sat there, my sidekick clutched in my now-white-knuckled hands, and wondered. He is dead already. It was not about Hollywood ideals, or about fantasies that never happened. It is just about humanity and human life. You fuck it up, you’re dead. No going back, no crazy group of people flat-lining themselves to see what’d happen at the end of tunnel (lost? check the movie, Flatliners). Nothing. It is done and that made me think of how fragile our lives are. A random broken glass window could plummet me to death, which actually happened on the street in downtown Vancouver last Monday. No, I didn’t get plummeted, but I was walking along that route before being told by a nice policeman that it was dangerous and had to take a detour. Simple and quick, a person can go from living to dead.
You will be missed, Brad Renfro, and never forgotten. Thanks for giving me a sense of reality and fragility of our lives.
Live your lives to its fullest because like Brad, you might not wake up next morning.
